the K500 and the K50 000

A torn K50, 000 note and a similarly worn out K500 note arrived at the Bank of Zambia to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burnt, they struck up a conversation. The K50, 000 note began to reminisce about its travels all over the country.
“I’ve had a pretty good life,” the K50, 000 proclaimed. “I’ve been to State House, Manda Hill, Garden’s cockpit, Times Cafe, Barclays Sports Complex, and Chez’ Ntemba, all manner of Cock tails, Arcades Complex, the finest restaurants and night clubs, you name it, I have been there. I have also been to the finest entertainment centers and hottest night clubs all over the country and even a cruise on the Lake Tanganyika and Siavonga.”
“Wow!” said the K500. You’ve really had an exciting life!”
“So tell me,” says the K50, 000, “where have you been throughout your lifetime?”
The K500 replies,
“Oh, I’ve been to the New Apostolic & Methodist Church, the Redeemed Christian Church, the AFM Church , the Deeper Life Bible Church , Bread of Life Church, Grace Ministries, Catholic Church, Winners’ Chapel, Miracle Life Family church, Anglican & Baptist Church, the C & S Church, CCC, ZAOGA,CMML, the Lutheran Church , Reformed Church In Zambia, Seventh Day Adventist Church, United Church of Zambia, the Evangelical Church in Zambia, Christ Embassy, Catholic Church, …”
The K50, 000 note interrupts, “What is a church?!!”

CONFESSION

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.
Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers and
hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.

Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home. She hides her lover in
the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already.

The little Boy says : "Dark in here."
The Man says : "Yes, it is."
Boy : "I have a soccer ball; do you want to buy it?"
Man : "No, thanks."
Boy : "My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!"
Man : "OK, how much?"
Boy : "k250 000-00."



A few weeks later it happened again and the boy and the lover were in
the cupboard together again.
Boy : "Dark in here."
Man : "Yes, it is."
Boy : "I have soccer boots."
The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?"
The Boy says : "k 750000-00."
The Man says : "Fine, I will buy them."

RE: JOB APPLICATION

am apply to my job of security guard to u boss in you company of shopright.i complete to grade 8 examination in 2007.am 27 ears to be born of age and no malluied and no childish.my father is dead a long time ago and my mother mary in zaire country there 10 year now.no see she no body to help me.my certificate is just sitting home for itself,but passes in mathematics,science ,geography and all subject,but fail in english because of njanja teacher,mr phiri teaching me is jeros of myself,me wear expense cloth than ngoni teacher.i hear people you want security guard to you company and i tell u am 1 of that job experience for two years,i shoot thief dead,i want to join your company and chess criminal out with me ak47.please consider my application careful and call me anytime because me have celphone.am red for interviwes with you.i am very honest and can speek english free.PLEASE ALSO GREAT YOUR WIFE AND KNOW THAT ENGLISH IS NOT OUR MOTHERLAND. YOURS IN FAITH ************

MISERY LOVES COMPANY

Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something.



Don't let anyone tell you that you can't have this or that.



Don't let anyone put you down and say that nobody would want you.



Don't feel that you have to settle for just anyone or anything.



You have the God given talent and intelligence to get what you want.



You have the God given ability to strive to be anything you want to be.



You don't need the negative words from people who are going nowhere. Misery loves company and that is why people try to keep you down by saying negative things to you. If they can keep you down on their level, they're happy.



You can't fall for that because you are too smart for that. You need to stand in front of a mirror, put your hands on your hips and say out loud, (I Look Good), (I Feel Good), (Watch Out World, Here I Come).

YOU HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION TODAY

You know it eventually had to come to this. You have to make a decision. Some of the decisions that you have been putting off are:

-

Do you follow your passion and dream and start that business?

Do you end some of your friendships or relationships with people?

Do you start going to church?

Do you finally start that exercise problem you said you wanted to do?

Whatever your decision you have to make in your life, make that decision today.

-

Stop putting it off because it is not bringing you any closer to the enjoyment of life you want for yourself.

I DON'T SEE A WALL (DO YOU?)

If obstacles or walls are put in front of you, you only have 5 options.



(1) Go over the wall.

(2) Go around the wall.

(3) Go under the wall.

(4) Go through the wall.

(5) Act like you don't see a wall and keep moving.



There are NO OTHER OPTIONS.

It doesn't matter which option you choose, just make it to the other side where success, joy and happiness is waiting for you.

-

SAYING HURTFUL WORDS * TRUST ISSUES * CHEATING * TAKING THINGS THE WRONG WAY * TOO SENSITIVE * BEING LAZY * JEALOUSY * WAY TOO MANY ARGUMENTS * DOUBLE STANDARDS * LACK OF COMMUNICATION * NO RESPECT * HAVING A CLOSED MIND * NO STIMULATING CONVERSATION * DOING THINGS BASED ON EMOTIONS

-

If these sound like problems that you are facing in your relationship, then get the answers to how to fix these and other problems you may be having.